


Hello My Old Heart

by thehorrorinsymmetry



Series: angel's birthday extravaganza [3]
Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Established Relationship, M/M, Of a sorts, Trans Poe, nonbinary finn, same actor finn librarian poe au
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-19
Updated: 2017-11-19
Packaged: 2019-02-04 04:07:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,325
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12762822
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thehorrorinsymmetry/pseuds/thehorrorinsymmetry
Summary: Being a librarian in a small town became infinitely more exciting to Poe when the very attractive and kind and funny Finn starts spending time in his library, even more so when they got together. It's been an amazing couple of months and is nearly perfect, except - except Finn's leaving in eight days.Poe still doesn't know his last name.





	Hello My Old Heart

**Author's Note:**

> this is a prequel to can't take my eyes off of you! they've been dating for a couple months with the intention of it being temporary because finn's only there on a business trip but you guys know what these nerds are like
> 
> ps thank you izzy for the names for finn's moms!!!

Poe's mind wanders as he pushes the cart through the stacks and returns books to their proper place.

Fifteen minutes until he can go see Finn.

He has a great job but even on the busier days it does nothing to distract him from whatever's on his mind. Most days it's not bad, his work is easy enough even when he's not totally invested in it, but -

It's not great when he's fallen in love with a man skipping town in a week.

He doesn't hold it against Finn, he can't, he's known since the day they finally started talking that there's been a time limit on Finn in this town, but all he can think about is Finn. Finn's hands on his skin, Finn's snores in his ear at the end of a long day, Finn's laughter when he makes a bad joke, that soft smile and wave Finn always does when they see each other. Having to say goodbye to all of that when Finn leaves in eight days.

Eight days.

He stops and picks up the last item from his cart, scanning the dvd cover for its call number.

He's got it so bad that even the guy on the cover looks like Finn.

He freezes.

The guy on the cover  _ is _ Finn.

The case drops onto the cart with a loud clatter, deafening in the near silence of the library. He glances behind him but the aisle is empty. His hands shake as he stares at the picture, at Finn looking serious next to some woman he doesn't recognize.

Holy shit.

He looks over the cover, at the list of awards it won, the rating someone gave it, the -

Finn Johnson.

Finn's last name is Johnson.

He puts the dvd away on autopilot, leaning on the cart as he returns it to the back. His legs feel numb as he walks past the handful of desks, like he's not quite fully connected to his body.

“Jess, can you close up tonight?”

Jess blinks at him but nods after a moment. “Yeah, course. Everything good?”

“Yeah, I just - I have to go, I have something -” He stays just long enough to grab his keys and shut his office. “I'll see you tomorrow, thanks.”

 

\--

 

He drives for a few minutes before he has to stop. He pulls into an empty parking lot and turns the car off, staring off into space.

Finn is a movie star.

Finn is a movie star and he didn't tell Poe.

They've been dating for weeks and have spent nearly all their free time together and had sex and went on a weekend camping trip together and - and he didn't even know Finn's last name.

It had to be real, though.

Right?

He pulls his phone out to call Finn but pauses at the sight of the background, the picture he took when they were camping.

He had been sitting in Finn's lap, Finn's arms wrapped around him, Finn's chin on his shoulder. They had been sitting in front of the campfire and he'd been telling Finn about going camping with his dad when he realized he wanted to remember this moment. Finn had stuck his tongue out for the first picture and nipped Poe's jaw when he told him to stop. They were both laughing in the second one.

Finn was looking at him like - it had to be real.

It had to be.

He pulls up the internet browser instead and types Finn's name into the search bar. Finn Johnson. A second later the screen changes and he's looking at pictures of Finn in costumes and on red carpets wearing expensive-looking tuxes. In artsy professional photo shoots and smiling on magazine covers.

There's a list of his best known movies, articles about him in the news. Headlines about the project he's filming in some small town nobody’s heard of, about whether he's seeing this other person that also seems to be famous.

He switches to the images tab and scrolls down an endless paged filled with Finn. There's a picture of Finn shirtless, his heavy gaze on something just past the camera. Another one of Finn laughing with someone, his eyes bright, his smile making Poe's breath catch in his throat the same way it does when it's right in front of him.

There’s a photo of him standing on a stage with some award, looking a little overwhelmed but so happy, like it’s a big moment.

He must be a really big deal.

His stomach flips when he sees the link for a Wikipedia article.

He reads about the different movies Finn's been in, the path his career has taken since he's become famous.

He is very, very famous.

Poe pauses when he gets to the early life section.

Finn had already told him about being an orphan but seeing it written - seeing it in a Wikipedia article that anyone can read, complete with a handful of citations - seeing it all laid out in black and white makes something twinge deep in his gut. It continues with a general discussion of Finn’s schooling, a note that he'd been officially adopted by two women when he was in high school. Poe remembers the picture Finn had shown him of Zaynab and Luna, remembers how warm Finn's voice was when he was on the phone with them. 

Apparently he'd reached stardom at a fairly young age, had started getting roles right out of university. He's only become more popular since. According to this, he’s already considered to be one of the best actors of his generation.

That tracks, at least.

Apparently he'd been outed nearly five years ago by an anonymous source - someone that knew him. Instead of denying the rumours he gave an interview to someone, disconnected from any of his projects.

Just him.

There’s a quote from him on the page, that he'd wanted to keep his private life private but he wasn't going to lie about it. In an industry full of racism and homophobia, where the line between professional and personal just becomes a part of the slide, a marker the general public uses to observe them under a microscope, Finn had stood his ground and kept his head high.

As far as Wikipedia knows, he hasn't dated anyone since.

He reads through the section a second and third time. Moments from the past two months play through his mind, little things he hadn't really thought about - the baseball cap Finn never took off, the way he's always looking at something over his shoulder, that Finn always seemed to want to just hang out at home.

But he still went out when Poe asked.

He has no idea what it's like to live like that. He barely knows anything about Hollywood, just enough to know it can't be easy. He can't imagine how it feels to constantly be in the public eye, to have a  _ Wikipedia page _ that tells anyone that wants to know where he went to school, gives out personal details of his life to anyone that looks him up.

It must be hard to find people that don't care about it.

Really, he can understand wanting to hide it. Especially when it's supposed to just be a quick, temporary thing.

He's pretty sure that they left that a while back.

He goes back to the search results, skims over a handful of articles before settling on one from last year. It starts out with a description of the movie Finn had been working on at the time, a handful of questions about filming in Europe and what it was like to work with this director. They segue into other projects Finn may or may not have had coming up, roles he's in talks for or wants to play.

Then they ask Finn about his love life.

Briefly, he tries to imagine someone coming to him at the information desk and asking him what being a librarian is like in one breath and whether he's got a partner in the next. He wonders if it's brought up more since he came out - was forced out - or if interviewers are more hesitant to bring it up.

Finn's answer reminds him a lot of what he used to say when his dad would ask him back in college - he's open to it, but he's focusing on work right now.

He tells the interviewer that he's on the market, technically, but he hasn't begun to hear the ticking of his biological clock - he doesn't want to rush and be in a relationship with someone just for the sake of being with someone. That he wants someone to share a life with.

He shuts his phone off.

Finn is a movie star.

Finn did not tell him he's a movie star, but he did tell Poe a lot about himself. He told Poe about his childhood, his family, even about things he wants in life despite the temporary nature of their relationship and this massive part of himself he’d had to hide. Not to mention how every word uttered was one that could be leaked somewhere. 

He let Poe in, let him see his beautiful self, his quirks, his faults. He shared his life with Poe. As much as he could with the very solid time limit looming over them this entire time.

There was no reason for him to have set his sights on Poe if all he wanted was sex. He’s a freaking movie star and really, even if he wasn't, he's  _ gorgeous _ . He could have gotten laid his first night here.

Finn wouldn't do that to him. It would take a real monster to want to do that to someone and - even if Finn is the best actor of their generation, even if he's the best actor of all time - he couldn't have faked this. Not the way he looked at Poe, not the way he touched him.

This is real.

He squeezes his eyes shut and takes a deep breath.

He needs to talk to Finn.

 

\--

 

The drive home seems to take ages, even if his watch tells him he's making good time.

There are far worse things Finn could have kept from him. It's not like he's a murderer or has a wife and kids - all it means is he's good at his job. It doesn't change anything. 

Except it changes everything.

It's not just a matter of talking to Finn and hoping he's willing to try a long distance relationship too. Not anymore. Even if they did, they'd have to think about whether to go public with their relationship, and - does Finn get stopped in the street? Would they always have to consider that every time they go out?

If they were in a serious enough relationship, If they wanted to live together Finn wouldn't be able to move here permanently even if he wanted to. Poe would have to move to Hollywood - New York? Wherever Finn is. 

He blinks.

Fifteen minutes ago he didn't even know Finn's last name.

He pulls into the long driveway and spots Finn waiting for him on the porch as soon as he passes the line of trees.

Finn waves at him, that soft smile already on his face. 

“Hey, you.” Finn's smile grows when Poe gets out of the car and Poe really, truly gets how so much of the general public would be enamoured with this man. “I know you said you'd cook tonight, but since you worked so hard today I thought I'd -”

Finn pauses when Poe stops in front of him, searching his face for something. “Are you okay?”

He nods, even if he isn't really sure that's a totally accurate answer. “Can we talk?”

 

\--

 

They go inside and sit on the couch together. Finn's knee rests on his leg when they face each other, the contact reassuring, Finn's unsure expression quite the opposite.

He takes Finn's hand, opening his palm, running his thumb over the lines.

“Did something happen at work?”

He looks up at Finn and forces the words out before they can get stuck in his throat. “You're Finn Johnson.”

Finn's face falls slowly. His eyebrows knit together, frown lines pulling at his mouth. He's so still that Poe isn't sure if he's still breathing. Eventually he nods, a stuttering up and down of his head, his hand slack between Poe's. “I am.”

“How famous are you?”

“Pretty famous.” Finn sighs, his Adam's Apple bobbing when he swallows. “I'm sorry I didn't tell you, Poe. I wanted to, but -”

“- It changes things.”

Finn stares at him, nodding slowly. “It's been years since I've been able to get to know someone without the weight of that on my back - since I could just be Finn. Not Finn The Movie Star, not some celebrity. Just me. I didn't - I didn't think -”

“- I get it,” He squeezes Finn's hand. “I think I do, anyway.”

Finn frowns. “You're taking this really well.”

He laughs. “Is that a bad thing?”

“No, of course not, I just -”

Finn falls silent when Poe lifts one hand and cups his cheek. He bites his lip, holds back from kissing Finn. “I, uh. I saw you on a dvd just before I left work. It was a little - surprising, but I think I understand now.”

“I swear I never wanted to hurt you or keep something from you.” Finn entwines their fingers. “I never thought things would get this serious.”

He nods. “It has been kind of a whirlwind, huh?”

Finn smiles but his gaze is still heavy, the little wrinkles at the corner of his eyes weighing them down, a far cry from the way they're usually lit up.

“So, uh. I read your Wikipedia page.”

Finn groans.

“It wasn't bad,” He laughs, squeezing Finn's hand. “They used a very nice picture of you. But - have you really not dated anyone since - for a while?”

Finn's gaze drops to their hands and traces his thumb over the back of Poe's hand. “I've dated a couple people. Nothing serious, nothing I'd bother going public with. It's pretty hard to balance this kind of job with - anything, really.”

“You don't do a lot in public, yeah?” Finn nods. “But you've gone out with me. You went out with me almost every time I've asked.”

Finn squeezes his hand. “It was worth the risk.”

“So, uh,” He scoots closer to Finn, pulling their joined hands into his lap. “This is going to sound weird considering how long we've been together, but - tell me about yourself?”

“My name’s Finn Johnson. I live in New York but I travel a lot for work because I'm an actor. I started in high school - I just joined the play for the credit, but I fell in love with it.” He grins at Poe. “I majored in acting at university, and I have a minor in biochem.”

Poe blinks. “You minored in biochem?”

He nods. “I loved it. If the acting thing didn't work out I was going to go for medicine. I'd actually been studying for the mcat when I landed my first big role.”

Of course.

Of course that was Finn’s plan. Of course he was going to be a doctor if he hadn’t become a massively successful star.

He shifts, leaning on the side of the couch so he can pull his legs up and into Finn's lap. “But acting did work out.”

“It did.” He nods. “I've been doing it ever since.”

“Finn Johnson, it's nice to meet you.” He runs his hand up Finn's arm and holds his gaze, his chest expanding around the words he's about to say. “I'm Poe Dameron and I'm in love with you.”

Finn stares at him. “You -”

He smiles, nodding.

Finn wraps his arms around Poe's shoulders and pulls him close, kisses him hard. He kisses Finn back, relishing the warm press of Finn's mouth, Finn's fingers in his hair, Finn's body against his.

Finn breaks the kiss and nuzzles Poe's nose, presses their foreheads together. He cups Poe's face in his hands, smiling at him like he'd just won the jackpot. “I love you too, Poe.”

Poe’s pretty sure he just won it all, actually.

Except for one tiny, little detail. 

“You're leaving in eight days.”

“I am,” Finn sighs, tracing his thumb along Poe's jaw. “There's a lot of reasons a relationship with me would be difficult, Poe. Even without the distance to think about.”

“Yeah, I can imagine.” He tries to smile. “I really wasn't looking for something complicated either. But - I don't know if I'd be okay if I didn't try.”

Finn holds his gaze. “I would never blame you if you didn't want to be involved with all of this.”

“You're right, I don't.” He shrugs a bit, toys with the fabric covering Finn’s shoulder. “But I do want to be involved with you.”

“You might not keep thinking that after you see what it's like.” Finn searches his gaze. “If you visited me in New York we couldn’t just go anywhere, not without risking paparazzi or random strangers taking our picture. People talk to me on the street.”

Finn pauses, glancing at the coffee table. “We’d have to have a conversation sometime - pretty early on - about how to handle our relationship in the media because it  _ will _ come up. Even if we hide it - which is exhausting - once you’re seen with me people are going to want to know who you are.”

Finn sighs, pulling his hands away to scrub them over his face. When he speaks again, it's with quieter words. “There's no way to guarantee that things won't come out, no matter how careful you are.”

He nods, gives himself a moment to process what Finn’s telling him, the weariness on Finn's face, in his words. “I understand that it's not going to be easy.”

“It would be hard.” Finn puts a hand on Poe's thigh. “I love my job but the culture around it kind of sucks.”

“Yeah, it does.” He covers Finn's hand with his own. “Do you still want to try?”

“Of course I do.” Finn sighs. “But I don't want to put you through something like this just because I don't want to say goodbye.”

He smiles.

Finn frowns. “What?”

“I don't want to say goodbye to you either.”

Finn bites his lip but Poe can see the slight tilt at the corner of his mouth. He touches it with his thumb.

“The good news is I’m an adult so I get to make my own decisions, and this is my decision. You've told me what to expect, and I'm sure you'll tell me even more so now it's on me, okay?”

“Poe -”

“- I don't care, Finn. I don't care about any of it. I want to be with you.” He cups Finn's jaw. “The time we’ve spent together has meant so much to me and I'd put up with a lot worse if it meant I got to have more of it.”

Finn kisses him.

He kisses Finn back, relishing in the familiar press of Finn’s mouth on his.

This isn’t the end for them.

Finn leans his forehead against Poe’s. “I love you.”

He smiles. “I love you too, mister movie star.”

Finn groans and pulls him into his lap, hiding his face in Poe’s neck. “It’s been like five minutes.”

“Yeah, I’ve got a lot to catch up on.” He cups the back of Finn’s head, brushing his fingers into Finn’s hair. “Do you happen to know if any of your movies are on Netflix?”

Finn makes a strangled sound against his neck. “I was going to make you dinner tonight.”

“Yeah?”

“Mhm,” Finn nuzzles his neck. “Just us, some good food, a couple candles, no TVs.”

“Sounds nice.” He laughs, leans against Finn’s chest. “You’re a good man, Finn Johnson.”

This is just the beginning.

**Author's Note:**

> thanks for reading!!


End file.
